It's late, I'm beyond stressed and tired, and what do I do? Create a blog thats what.

So, today I decided that I was going to start a blog, and I’ve been debating it for a little while ever since I kept finding myself continually clicking on the links to blogs written in Pretty Thin members signatures. I’m addicted to Pretty Thin by the way. I realized that creating a blog is probably a really healthy thing for me to do, especially where I’m at right now in my life. I could use some self expression, and I think organizing my thoughts about life will just help me along my journey.

So, me, a college senior, just about to go on break (thank God)…under mass amounts of pressure and stress to be perfect in every way. To get into grad school, to look beautiful, to always act appropriately, to be responsible, to always appear happy, to exhibit self control, to always know the answer….
Unfortunately not all of these things can be achieved, and I’m slowly realizing that I need to come to terms with certain characteristics about myself that are damaging but need to be confronted. For instance, I can never make everyone happy (perhaps I should consider myself??) Even though I’m 21 I’m still a baby longing to be loved. I’m such a good liar, especially to myself but I bet people see right through the lies more than I think.

I want more than anything to be thin, tiny and loveable, sweet and charming, small yet useful. The girl who could do it all and everything else; on top of the list in everyone’s book.

For having an ED and all I’m generally a pretty happy person, I really am, or at least I’ve been successful at convincing myself of the matter. Regardless, I am a very busy person with the tendency to have unfortunate events follow me around just as soon as I think I’m safe. What has and continues to keep my life in order is my obsession.

I love my obsession, it fuels every inch of my body with determinism, the will to succeed in life in every area that I may ever doubt. Everything will be perfect once I’m thin enough to matter.

Anyways, even if no one ever reads this it should do me some good to start being honest to myself about this thing called “feelings”... I will be posting some plans, thinspo that I like and other things I use to get and keep me on this track called life. I’m going home for break, which is sorta the main reason I started this, to keep me on track and also because I finally have the time. Can’t wait til break, only one more week and then I’m off the hook of A LOT of people’s expectations…only to go home and be on others’.


*I chose the Weeping Willow Tree to represent me, not because I think I’m a sad person but because I think they are the most beautiful thing in the world. They are graceful, and inviting--engulfing you under their softly drooping canvas…Willow trees represent serenity and strength, the ability to grow but fall down. These trees seems so mysterious yet benevolent and I feel like if they could talk their story would be a lot like mine.