I have followers! very flattering indeed

So, its nice to know I may be interesting...hah. Thanks for following, and if anyone ever needs anything you can find me on PrettyThin under: skyaway

So, I posted like 2 days ago about the new diet plan. I've been doing pretty good! Considering how much studying and work I've been doing (thats usually what my downfall is, but I'm serious something has clicked with me lately and I really just love telling myself NO)

I haven't been like strict with the days I said I would eat, but I'm cycling in the same sense. Like yesterday I had around 1000 cals, and today less than 900. OHH AANNND I was talking to the boyfriend about thinking about doing a juice fast, and he's like "whats a juice fast" and I explained it to him and he, he's so funny, he says he wants to do a fast with me! LOL. He's been getting back into working out lately and now I think he's really tryin to out do me, but yeah he's not a meat head or anything he's handsome, kind eyes (features in general) he's got this curly naturally highlighted pony tail from all the work he does outside. He's more like a "man's man" than someone I'd expect to do a juice fast w/ me, but anywho when I get home we're going to go to the mall for more Christmas shopping (for my mom, seriously what do u get for the woman who has everything?) and I'm going to go to GNC and pick up a juice fast cleanse, or maybe a total body cleanse...or maybe neither?? and perhaps just buy V8 veggie and veggie juice blends and drink that for 3 days. We'll see, if anyone has suggestions I'd love to hear them :)

Soo, ONE MORE MOTHER FUCKING DAY OF HELL!! WOOT! Yeah, So I just basically finished my SECOND to LAST paper, and I had a NEURO final today as well that I studied my ass off for yesterday and this morning and I think I nailed it, but I have one more paper for my education class that's due Thursday. Then I'm on my way HOME!

I'm scared though, of home. Home is security and food that I don't have out at college. Its easy to not eat a lot when you can't afford to have it in ur apt, but at my mom's its like a damn grocery store. Also, the bf's fam is Italian and LOVES TO EAT and seemingly loves to make me a fat ass as well.

BUT, I refuse to give in to their temptations of sweets and cheesy pasta dishes. Because you know where I'm going to be if I don't? I'm going to continue to be a fat disgusting piece of ugliness, whose as useless as a fat model. I won't be sexy for my bf therefore I won't want to have sex, I won't be able to show his brother's annoying rich Jersey-girl girlfriend that she may be rich but at least I'm HOT and SKINNY not like her fat ass! OMG she eat's soo fucking much and then complains that she needs to start her weight watchers "Tomorrow, for sure! I'm so fat...blah blah" Its like GOD if you hate urself then stop eating. But tbh I like that she's like a size 8-10 and has put on like 10 pounds since I've known her, (wow this is bad be prepared) that makes me feel like I'm better than her because otherwise I would be mad jealous. I feel that my bf's mom (his brother's mom, this is his brother's gf i'm talking about) I feel that his mom likes her more, because she's Italian but she's also like city Italian which means she is much more outspoken than me. She also apparently has OCD which Shawn told me (bf's bro) so she is like kinda crazy. This means that the family just LOVES her and can ACCEPT her because, oh poor Dani she has a DISORDER.

FML, so this is what I'm dealing with when I go home. But, seriously, I put all of this in my own head. I mean come on ___ I need to just stop caring so much about what other people think of me!!!!! All that matters is that I am skinny because I'm happier that way and everything else in my life is better as well. SO I will not faulter over break, I WILL NOT GIVE IN. I really can't. Because once I do, Its like I can't stop Binging and Purging and I CAN'T AFFORD to have ANYONE especially my BF to find out right now.
SRy for the long-ass rant.

Real quick, back to my weight loss: Yesterday I hit 117!!!! But didn't hold my breath b/c today scale said 119. I can't weigh myself in the mornings anymore b/c my house scale is fucked up and I'm not sure how many pounds its off. I think it tells me I'm 6 pounds lighter but I don't really know (think I'm going to bring it home and compare to mom's digital) So I have to weigh myself like mid-late day when I'm at the gym. I'm also thinking of not weighing in everyday, like I feel that I'll fuck up if I get too confident or what/ev as that has happened. But, yeah only one more day of my own little world of hw and restriction as I please then I have to face the real world of Holiday Cheer and loud, obnoxious gf's, mother's trying to feed me and self motivating to say NO THANK YOU!